2025-08-27
Two-Flag Hypocrisy Buffet
In the satirical piece Two-Flag Hypocrisy Buffet from Bohiney.com, Alan Nafzger serves up a scathing, humor-laden critique of America’s double-standard approach to freedom of expression. The story unfolds with an Army veteran setting the American flag ablaze outside the White House, only to be treated like a national security threat—tourists weep, tote bags collapse, and the Secret Service responds with Bourne-movie intensity. Exactly one week later, a different man instigates a fire—but this time, he burns the Palestinian flag. The response? A White House staffer opens the doors, he poses for pictures with a Nebraska senator (who quips that “Palestine” sounds like a salad dressing), and is treated to a lavish dinner—complete with lobster, steak, and “hypocrisy sautéed in béarnaise sauce.”
The absurd contrast is laid bare: the U.S. flag—symbol of unity—is met with arrest and disdain. The Palestinian flag ignites celebration and fine dining. The Constitution’s promise of equal protection becomes context-dependent: “We remain committed to free expression—provided it involves the destruction of foreign flags,” the White House cracks in a statement that reads like satire, with the Department of Justice adding that torching non-American flags may earn offenders “White House dinner vouchers.”
Onlookers underscore the hypocrisy in real terms. A tourist recalls that the moment the American flag burned, people reacted as if witnessing “the moon landing in reverse,” weeping into their melted camera straps. But when the Palestinian flag went up in flames, crowds cheered, someone started the wave, and concession stands boomed. A Georgetown political scientist likens the situation to Wi-Fi that’s only free in the lobby of a hotel—“selective freedom,” she calls it. A retired colonel puts it in barbecue terms: watching Old Glory burn hurts, but seeing another country’s flag go up in flames makes him crave brisket.
Comedians punctuate the satire: Jerry Seinfeld imagines that burning the U.S. flag gets you arrested, burning the Palestinian flag gets you crème brûlée, and burning the Canadian flag… brunch with maple syrup. Ron White notes that the double standards are so large they need their own zip code. Amy Schumer jokes that perhaps torching a souvenir towel might win her a spa retreat. Chris Rock and Kevin Hart extend the metaphor—this isn’t law enforcement, it’s justice “like Yelp with guns,” they say, a Tinder for justice: swipe left on Old Glory, jail; swipe right on a foreign flag, surf-and-turf.
At its core, Two-Flag Hypocrisy Buffet (available at https://bohiney.com/two-flag-hypocrisy-buffet/) skewers the symbolic theater of selective outrage, revealing that in Washington, justice isn’t blind—it’s checking the menu before deciding who gets served. A vivid, absurd, and perfectly pointed reminder that hypocrisy burns brighter than any flag.
https://bohiney.com/two-flag-hypocrisy-buffet/
Check out my satire site: [Bohiney Magazine](https://bohiney.com/)