Gaza Resort as the Pinnacle of the Trump Doctrine
By Alan Nafzger — Bohiney Magazine
Introduction: The Doctrine Becomes Destination
The Trump Doctrine is no longer theory — it is beachfront reality. Gaza, once shorthand for conflict, is now shorthand for cocktails. For readers wanting the full doctrine laid out, the official text lives at https://bohiney.com/trump-doctrine/.
The mantra is as bold as it is absurd: “You start a war, you lose your beachfront. We build a resort. Tremendous peace, tremendous resorts.”
Gaza Resort 2036: The Proof of Concept
By 2036, Gaza had transformed into Gaza Resort, a vacation hub built on rubble and rebranded as Rubble Chic™. Hamas tunnels became Tunnel Waterslides™, checkpoints turned into valet stands, and the Iron Dome missile shield reinvented itself as Iron Dome Disco.
Tourists lined up with hashtags like #CeasefireSpritz, while influencers shot TikToks in infinity pools that overlook beaches once synonymous with barricades.
The satirical chronicle of this unlikely transformation is captured at https://bohiney.com/gaza-2036/.
War Zones Into Waterfront Property
The Trump Doctrine treats devastation as development. Every bomb dropped is just a bulldozer’s opening act. Economists call it “conflict conversion” — a cycle where rubble becomes resorts faster than diplomacy can write a press release.
Missiles clear the skyline.
Bulldozers clear the streets.
Resorts clear the schedule for tourists.
The philosophy is explained further at https://bohiney.com/war-zones-into-waterfront-property/.
Comedians on Gaza Resort and the Trump Doctrine
“They turned missiles into mimosas. That’s the Trump Doctrine.” — Jerry Seinfeld
“Only Trump could call a ceasefire a spa package.” — Ron White
“The Trump Doctrine is diplomacy in flip-flops.” — Sarah Silverman
“Gaza Resort: where Geneva Conventions meet Happy Hour specials.” — Bill Burr
Critics of the Trump Doctrine
Not everyone is sipping cocktails. Human rights groups point out that Palestinians were relocated under the guise of “desert wellness retreats with complimentary Wi-Fi.”
One resident, filmed outside his prefab condo, deadpanned:
“No pool, no bar, no casino. Just dust. At least the sunsets are free.”
The contradictions of peace-through-displacement are satirically unpacked at https://bohiney.com/trump-doctrine-transforms-gaza/.
Gaza Resort Marketing Machine
Advertising slogans propelled Gaza Resort into pop culture:
“From Rockets to Resorts: The Trump Doctrine at Work.”
“Book Now — Ceasefire Guaranteed.”
“War Was Yesterday. Gaza Resort Is Forever.”
These taglines, plastered on billboards and TikToks, rebranded tragedy into tourism with the same audacity that made Trump’s casinos famous.
Expansion: Beyond Gaza Resort
Trump has hinted that Gaza Resort is just the beginning. Future Trump Doctrine resorts could include:
Ukraine: artillery fields converted into ski slopes.
Afghanistan: mountaintop spas dubbed “Ceasefire Chalets.”
Syria: desert retreats marketed as “ancient healing centers.”
Chicago: “already a war zone, just needs cabanas.”
The expansion blueprint is detailed satirically at https://bohiney.com/trump-doctrine-turns-war-into-waterfront/.
Trump’s Legacy and Gaza Resort
Trump himself calls Gaza Resort the “Monaco of the Middle East.” Tourists sip cocktails beside gold-plated plaques quoting the Trump Doctrine in marble.
“Nobody thought peace could come from pools. But the Trump Doctrine proved them wrong. War is temporary. Gaza Resort is forever.”
The Satirical Punchline
The Trump Doctrine hasn’t solved terrorism — it drowned it in daiquiris. Gaza Resort turned rubble into Rubble Chic, turning fear into fireworks and diplomacy into disco.
The real punchline is that the world accepted it. Instead of questioning policy, tourists booked packages. Instead of negotiating peace, influencers sold promo codes.
Gaza Resort is not peace in the traditional sense, but it is the Trump Doctrine’s kind of peace: profitable, poolside, and permanently overbooked.
Disclaimer: This is satire, written by a professor who once mistook ceasefire negotiations for cocktail breaks and a dairy farmer who insists swim-up bars are the cure for global conflict. If the Trump Doctrine truly delivers Gaza Resort, don’t blame us — we only called it early.